SpiderMan: The Greek Tragedy
by Elesariin
Summary: Complete with Greek chorus. When I heard that they're coming out with a Spidey musical, I was inspired, and this is the result. Based on the first movie... very... very loosely. As idiocy is sort of the point, I don't mind flames.


((I don't own anything. ))

_**Scene 1**_

**Peter Parker**- Oh, my heart aches for Mary Jane, but alas she notices me not.

**Harry**- Hear me! I, Harry Osborne, say that this school trip is a waste of time, no?

**Peter Parker**- Art thou mad? Spiders command the attention of all, and some possess the ability to alter their appearance becoming like their surroundings.

**Doctor**- We possess 15 different genetically altered spiders, behold!

**Mary Jane**- Thou art missing one.

**Peter Parker**- Pain in my arm, for I have been bitten by a spider! By the will of the gods I hope I shall not become a mutated freak.

**Chorus Leader**- Peter did not know that his fate was to become a mutated hero.

**Chorus**- With great power comes great responsibility.

_**Scene 2**_

**Green Goblin**- I am Norman Osborne, father of Harold! Anger has struck my soul! Our enemies have made a better product than our super-strength serum. Fie upon them! We must test upon a man within the week if we are to receive funding. Thus does the task fall to me to imbibe the serum and prove its effectiveness.

**Scientist**- But sire! What of those mice that did develop afflictions most foul to their reasoning and become monstrous things upon consuming the serum?

**Green Goblin**- Still the chatter of thy afeared and womanly tongue! Science hath wrought upon us the opportunity to ascend beyond the gods, and thou wouldst shirk? Away, coward! I will tempt fate!

**Chorus Leader**- What hubris!

**Chorus**- Hubris! Hubris!

**Scientist**- Oh no! My liege, why dost thou convulse? Oh, what horrors hath we wrought upon ourselves in the name of science? Fear not, I shall resuscitate you!

**Green Goblin**- I live!

**Scientist**- Art thou well?

**Green Goblin**- I am become a god, and as such, I will smite thee for thy disbelief!

**Scientist**- No!

_**Scene 3**_

**Chorus Leader**- Meanwhile, young Peter did return to his home and fall into a troubled sleep.

**Chorus**- Awaken, Parker! Awaken, ye who hast become the spider!

**Peter Parker**- Lo, I am awakened unto new and fabulous powers! By the gods, yon spider must have transformed me! In the guise of the costumed figure Spider-man, I shall compete in a tournament of combat, whereupon I shall obtain the funds necessary to purchase a vehicle and impress Mary Jane. But I must deceive my aunt and uncle, who wouldst ne'er approve of such doings.

_**Scene 4**_

**Chorus Leader**- And so did Peter tell his uncle and aunt that he intended to visit the library.

**Chorus**- Oh how he would regret his falsehood!

**Uncle Ben**- Peter I, your uncle, hast driven thee to the library. I wish to impart upon thee this knowledge: with great power comes great responsibility.

**Chorus**- With great power comes great responsibility!

**Peter Parker**- Fie Uncle! Why dost thou condescend unto me? Thou art not my father! Be gone!

**Uncle Ben**- ... I shall return at eight.

**Chorus**- Woe unto Peter! One day he will long for such advice!

_**Scene 5**_

**Chorus Leader**- And so did Peter win the tournament, but the man who administrated the contest denied Peter his reward.

**Chorus**- The gods are swift to punish those who cheat!

**Chorus Leader**- Shortly thereafter, the administrator was robbed, and Peter, embittered, did nothing to stop the thief.

**Chorus**- The gods are swifter still to punish thieves and those who assist them. Woe unto Peter! What folly!

**Chorus Leader**- Peter did then return to the spot whereupon he was to meet his uncle, only to find him absent.

**Peter Parker**- Most unnatural! It is unlike my uncle to be late. But what is this I see? A crowd has gathered. What do they gaze upon? Zounds! It is my uncle! Grievously wounded and bleeding in the street!

**Uncle Ben**- Yes, Peter, it is I, your uncle. Remember! Remember what I told you! Alas, I am dead!

**Peter Parker**- Yes, Uncle, I shall remember. But first I must avenge thee! From the police radios, I have gleaned that thy murderer dost flee in our car. I shall use my powers to pursue him, and then bring the fiend to justice!

_**Scene 6**_

**Chorus Leader**- And then Peter did pursue him, though the darkness did conceal his face. Peter cornered his enemy in an empty warehouse, and prepared to exact his vengeance.

**Chorus**- Avenge thy uncle!

**Peter Parker**- I shall slay thee for the murder of my uncle! Alas! Thou hast stepped into the light, and I see now that thou art the same ruffian whom I did allow to abscond from the tournament! Oh, woe! Horror!

**Chorus**- Such vicious irony! Woe to Peter, who through carelessness hath brought about the end of his own uncle!

**Peter Parker**- Alas! When thou didst attempt to shoot me, I was compelled to break thy wrist, whereupon thou didst trip and fall through yon window. Thou hast died, and another life dost mar my conscience. From this day forward, let it be known that Spider-man lives by these words: with great power comes great responsibility!

**Chorus**- Hail! With great power comes great responsibility!

_**Scene 7**_

**Chorus Leader**- And so did Peter become a hero. He foiled many criminals, and saved the lives of many innocents. And though he was criticized by crusading Daily Bugle Editor Jonah Jameson, he felt at peace with himself and his purpose.

**Chorus**- Hail Spider-man! Your heroism inspires all!

**Chorus Leader**- Unfortunately, the peace was not to last. Norman Osborne, in the guise of the Green Goblin, did seek to avenge himself upon his company's board of directors, who had terminated his employment. And so did he assault a festival sponsored by the board.

**Chorus**- What evil, to assail a festival!

**Chorus Leader**- But Spider-man was there to combat him!

**Chorus**- By the gods, it is Spider-man, here to do battle with the Green Goblin!

**Mary Jane**- Egad! Here I hang, suspended by my fingers from this high balcony! My boyfriend Harry has been struck by rubble and is unable to assist me!

**Peter Parker**- I have driven away the Green Goblin, and now I shall save my love! Mary Jane, I hath rescued thee from thy terrible plight!

**Mary Jane**- Joy! But thy voice is familiar...

**Peter Parker**- I must away!

**Chorus**- If only she did know the true identity of her savior!

_**Scene 8**_

**Chorus Leader**- And so did a series of conflicts betwixt Spider-man and the Green Goblin commence. There were many terrible battles, until one day the Green Goblin attempted to negotiate an alliance.

**Green Goblin**- Join me, Spider-man, and together we shall rule!

**Peter Parker**- Never, villain! I shall see thee jailed!

**Green Goblin**- Then I shall slay thee and thy loved ones!

**Chorus Leader**- Spider-man was unconcerned, for how could his identity be discovered? But woe! In the ensuing battle, his enemy landed one blow before fleeing the scene in shameful cowardice. Since it was little more than a scratch, Peter bothered himself not over it.

**Chorus**- What a bitter web fate weaves!

**Peter Parker**- Now that I hath returned to my identity most secret, I shall attend a glorious feast with my Aunt May, Mary Jane, Harry, and his honored father.

**Harry**- Peter! It seems that thou art forever late! Sit thee down!

**Mary Jane**- Most joyful am I, for thou hast brought cranberry sauce! But my joy is darkened by shock and dismay, for thou art bleeding!

**Green Goblin**- Insight most divine! Peter Parker has been revealed as my foe, and I shall not rest until he is utterly destroyed.

_**Scene 9**_

**Chorus Leader**- And so it was that the Green Goblin did capture the beautiful Mary Jane and bring her to a gleaming bridge most tall. And thither also went Spider-man, desperate to save his love.

**Chorus**- Fear and anguish fill his heart!

**Peter Parker**- Fiend! Thou shalt release the maiden at once!

**Green Goblin**- Be cautious, Spider-man, or I shall release her to fall to her death!

**Mary Jane**- Woe!

**Chorus Leader**- But Spider-man, courageous and bold, did not abandon her to her tragic fate.

**Chorus**- Hail!

**Green Goblin**- Victory is mine, vile spider! Whilst you did save thy sweetheart, I gained the upper hand! Prepare thyself for death, and know that I shall take great pleasure in finishing thy love slowly once thou hast passed!

**Peter Parker**- Anger sweeps through my veins!

**Chorus Leader**- Lent strength by his righteous fury, Peter did leap over the Goblin's murderous glider, which had attempted to impale him from behind. Instead, its cold blades buried themselves in the breast of their master.

**Chorus**- The wrath of the gods is great!

**Green Goblin**- Peter, I beseech thee not to inform my son of my evil doings. Woe is me, for I am dead.

**Peter Parker**- The death of mine enemy dost incite my sorrow as well as my relief. Woe that he did seek to rise above the gods!


End file.
